‘I’ suffer from Multiple Relationship Syndrome~

Some of the symptoms that I face: 

1. Being quite because words ‘may’ hurt them

2. Would they really understand me? They anyway don’t.  And feel extremely lonely and fallen out of my own center of being

3. What will other people think? I anyway, don’t like myself. They would know this truth.

4. They are always right and better than me

5. Fear of letting the secrets being misunderstood and fear of loosing people

6. All is happening because of me

7. You don’t suffer. I deserve the most suffering in the world. More the suffering, more the pride

8. Do I know you ?

I plainly suffer from Multiple Relationship Syndrome.

Yesterday, I promised myself to be more organized and today passes by without even realizing that I committed something to my own self. How many times does it happen, that you promise something to yourself and don’t even realize you broke relationship with your self. I do not know why am I writing this post but I am only trying to understand the gaps that I have felt in all sorts of relationships. These gaps only smell of unspoken words, distorted self -image and imaginary false and wrong reality.

This post is mainly a self-reflection of what I truly suffer from. I suffer the fact that i don’t usually live the purpose i believe i am here for. I suffer from the thought processes which triggers stories in head that don’t even exist anywhere in the universe. In the stories, I meet my soul-mate,  I meet my twin souls and in reality, barely been able to recognize their presence and do something to enrich the relationship.

Few days ago, I cried realizing the stupidest thing on this planet- Love in me exist no more. I found that the fountain of love stopped working for me. I wasn’t operating from love nor was there any compassion left within. I was just functioning out of some space; just like color that rolled of an outlined picture. What phenomenon is that? I kept crying that love is no more in my life. I cannot reach to the heart of the source of love. I felt god left me and that I was completely abandoned by this world. But which world? Who in this world made me feel the way I was feeling?

Nothing but myself. I owe a lot to this self. I owe a true relationship to myself to keep the best with you . I may not understand you, but least I could do is understand my ‘selves.’

I honestly feel weird writing all this, but today, I don’t mind letting myself know, I do suffer and suffer most of the times with my own personal new diagnosis- Multiple Relationship Syndrome.. . Best I could ask for remedy is to have drops of Truthful essence. Bit of honesty leaves and some pills of compassion….I wouldn’t mind being on this medication all my life, if it brings my relationship syndrome to the center of my heart.

…more on this soon…